Another One Bites the Dust

I haven't posted in a long time, I know I know, so if anyone is still checking for updates I applaud your conviction and hope you enjoy these couple of posts that have been stewing in the old noggin for a week or so.

Ever since Clare and I moved to Clifton/Corryville, my route home has taken me past this enormous, regal-looking but vacant-seeming hotel on the corner of Oak and Burnet.

My neighborhood, as seen from the 7th floor of the Vernon Manor Hotel

This area is dotted with architectural anachronisms, sweet old buildings erected back when the hills in Cincinnati were a destination for bourg-flight from the riff-raff-populated flood plain, so I wasn't surprised to see a giant hotel in what's now a relatively poor area. What I always wondered was why that building hadn't been repurposed, like the Talcott look-alike building across the street on Oak that's now a AA meeting center. Who would stay in this pricy (up to $185 a night?) behemoth other than the families of patients at University Hospital when the only other points of interest within walking distance are a German restaurant from the 1800's, a coffee shop for weirdos, and the Corryville Rec Center? Fuck, why would you even come to Cincinnati on vacation in the first place? Well, apparently I'm not the only who noted the flaw in this business plan, because the Vernon Manor Hotel, built in 1924, has closed its doors forever.

"I guess I just wasn't made for these times." - The Vernon Manor

Which is a bummer, because apparently it was kind of a big deal. The Beatles stayed there when they came through Cincy on their 1966 tour, Rosa Parks and JFK stayed there too, according to CNN.com's Larry Shaughnessy (I call bullshit), and the Manor is the hotel where Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman stay while they're fighting the man and learning the meaning of compassion in Rain Man.

Sad though it is that yet another thing that was formerly impressive about Cincinnati is no longer relevant/profitable, Vernon Manor's closing meant that they had to get rid of an entire hotel's worth of stuff - quick. Which means liquidation sale wooo!!! (and my transformation into my mother is now complete), which means today I got to wander around an abandoned hotel and take home anything I saw that I might want - for a super low price.

This was an interesting experience on a couple of levels. First of all, it was one of those weird social environments where there's really no precedent for how you should interact with the people around you, and no one knows what's supposed to happen next, so everyone cracks jokes and tries to be helpful to offset the awkwardness of uncertainty. Like when the power goes out, or you're snowed in at work, or your plane is delayed. Imagine a giant Easter egg hunt with participants of all different, ages, classes, and races, but with such a tremendous abundance of eggs that no one had to be competitive or aggressive. That's what a liquidation sale at a hotel is like. The other thing is that it would have been pretty easy for people to steal, but since everything was sooo inexpensive it would have been cowardly to try. In a way it felt like we were all taking home a part of history, and that we would all be connected to each other by the items we selected and the story behind them. To steal would have reduced the whole event to looting, and taken all the dignity out of it.
The other thing that's crazy to think about is that there is at least one company out there whose sole purpose is to liquidate the property of hotels that close down. Whenever I hear about jobs that perform such a random but specific function, I think 'how in the world did that person come to do this for a living?' Then to see that person perform that ultra-specialized task with total mastery is kind of inspiring. Like, this could have been a big sad clusterfuck, but you, Mr. National Content Liquidators Ringleader Man, made it into a super-organized bargain party that the whole city was invited to. It makes you wonder what kind of previously unconsidered things you're capable of.

Finally, there's something about being able to just walk into a hotel and go into any room you want that appeals to anyone's inner child's impulse to explore. Part of the romance of staying in a hotel is that your room is designed to represent a completely neutral environment, a space that would be satisfactory to anyone, but to you it means so much, to you it's the one constant thing in an unfamiliar place. Even more enchanting is that you know that in the 100+ identical neutral rooms around you, about 175+ people are experiencing the exact same feeling of being thrilled by their new temporary habitat. Also, there's a little part of you that kind of wants to do this:


So being able to just walk around and feel over and over again that first little rush of excitement you get from exploring your hotel room is exhilarating.

Anyway, if you ever get the chance, going to a hotel liquidation sale is way fun, and you can get some really great stuff. Case in point, this dope loveseat Clare got:

K, I'll post again soon, I promise!